Happiness

I started my church search.  Not only to 'make it count', but also the whole 'end of the world' thing from last year made me think.  I bought a home to build up my equity.  I put away a few hundred bucks a month to build up an RRSP for retirement. I bought life insurance to provide a financial back up plan if I die early.  I invest all this money (and even worry) for worldly security, what have I been investing in my spiritual future?  I claim to be a Christian, but do I truly feel confident that God will let me into His home after I leave this world?  Honestly, with my track record (or lack of). I worry I might get the boot, and being burned in eternal fire is not my idea of a forever retirement plan.

Anyways, I really want to go to a nearby church with Saturday service (at least one with this option), since I'm just too lazy to wake up early on Sundays (I'm human and have weaknesses and lack of commitment).  Therefore, this criterion really limits my choices.  Other than that, I want a good pastor.  The main purpose of going to Church is, of course, be closer to God, and part of it is the sermon.  If the speaker is bad, my heart is just not there.  Hence, besides looking at the worship times, I also explored the sermons that are posted on the churches' websites.

This one sermon was really good.  At the end, the pastor stated:

"Happy people don't chase after happiness.  They chase after God, and happiness finds them."

I love concluding statements like that because it makes you think (at least for me): Am I a truly happy person?  Do I chase after happiness or after God?  I look back at certain events in my life and I have to say, the times that I'm truly happy were when I had absolute faith in God and let Him lead the way.  The moments when I'm straying, I started searching for happiness on my own and nothing seems to really fill the meter.  How about now?  Am I doing this 'make it count' thing to search for happiness, or to search for God so that I will be happy?

I think it's a combination of both.  Life became a little stagnant and routine, and in a way depressing.  I want to be productive, but for what?  Pleasure? Fun? Success?  Even if I made more friends, earn more money, live in a bigger house, or buy more expensive things, I just don't think it will be enough.

The happiest period in my life was discovering the verse Psalms 16:2, and then moving up to Edmonton and started working at Sintra Engineering.  No friends and hardly any money.  Why?  Because He made me truly happy.  Sometimes I really need to have that as a reminder.

However, I'm not saying the things I have right now are not making me happy: friends, family, job, home, etc.   Just at the end of the day, I need to recognize, although I don't have a lot of these things (few close friends, 2 parents, Roshi, and hubby, job that makes an affordable living, a small little townhouse), it's all provided by God so that I'm really not in the pits, but comfortable and... happy.

P.S.  I will be attending tonight's evening service.

Apartment Searching

Yesterday, I went up to Edmonton to look for a new home to rent. It's easy to be excited to move and start life in a new (but deadly) city. However, when I was actually up there, things became more real. The difference between this time and my internship in Medicine Hat is that this time it's permanent. 

I went to look at two places. The first place was called The Residence. It's old but renovated. However, the apartment is so small, it's ridiculous. I almost wanted to lay on the bedroom floor to see if I can lay across on it and fit! No.

I was early for my second appointment for viewing #2. So I drove around my new work area to see what is around. Then I found Square 104. I saw this place online, and totally forgotten about it. So I went in and had a quick look. Since I was just walking in, the office manager was nice enough to use the office suite as an example. New and clean. I don't mind. However, only 2 bedrooms were available.

Last place, 7th Street Lofts. Absolutely beautiful. However, the lady seems reluctant and want to show it to another person.

At night I had to pray for forgiveness for forgetting God to be involved in this. Especially for so many times He is with me on all of this, and that He has something prepared for me. And here I am just heading up there looking at places without praying about them. Of course, I got forgiveness, and I read Psalms 127:

"Unless the Lord builds the house,

its builders labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city, 

the watchmen stand guard in vain." ~Psalms 127:1-2

At The Residence, I know I can go cheap and just rent it. However, I know I will be miserable and may even jump out the window! Such a depressing place. The loft is nice, but I will be looking at my finances closely because it's a little over then what I want. So again, I just have to trust God again that He will help me choose the right place. And voila...

This morning Square 104 called and said a 1 bedroom is available Aug 1. Another person was inquiring about it, but since I was there yesterday asking for one first, I got priority. WOW. Isn't that something or what? I forgot about this place, and I drove to it by accident. There were nothing available, and then overnight something comes up and I got priority. God is truly amazing. I am so unworthy of His 1st class treatment but He does it anyways. Love You, God.

Psalms 91:14-16 and Psalms 16:2

Again, I like to do my devotions late at night (I really should start doing them a little earlier). Last night - or VERY early this morning (1 am), I was continuing my reading in Psalms. As I mentioned, earlier yesterday, I got my interview email and I was overly excited. I thanked God right away and I thanked Him again at night. Then He told me this:

""Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy hima nd show him my salvation."" ~ Psalms 91:14-16

Isn't He wonderful? I've been somewhat putting Him aside for a while. Although I love Him and say I trust Him, it wasn't until recently I really started to seek Him and call out to Him. After all I have done, God still loves me and still listens. A while back, I read another passage in Psalms that I now hold very close to me:

"I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." ~ Psalms 16:2

I still worry everyday about my career, my relationship, and my future. However, I always remember this, those things are nothing compare to my Father. He is the only good thing I have. With that in mind, everything seems like things that help time go by easier and quicker on Earth. And then, I feel much better.

Psalms 71:20

During these past weeks, I've been reading the Book of Psalms. I tend to have my moments with God late at night. It's the time where I am very alone and nothing can bother me. The other day, I read the following: 

"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up." ~ Psalms 71:20

Less than a month ago, I finally broke down and had to complain why my life is always so complicated. This year is my all time low. Everyone keeps saying, things will get better. Human words. What do they know? No one on this Earth can predict the future. Things were going great for the last four years and now the recession that took a lot of people's retirement fund. Who would have knew? I am thankful for the Lord for telling me that things will get better. It is blah right now, but He will restore my life again, and bring me up again. 

As human, it's hard to fully trust, especially when things are just not going my way or there are no signs of improvement. Almost everyday reading Psalms, the Lord says TRUST. This is definitely the hardest lesson ever. 

Encouragement from The Man above!

I'm a Christian. I can't say I'm intensely religious or spiritual, but my Faith is quite important to me. It doesn't matter what I do, I can't give it up entirely.
I always trusted that the Lord is around me. He may not show Himself in obvious ways, but I know He's "around". I know that throughout my Struggles, He was the one I trusted who will pulled me through it.
During these hard times, I surrendered and finally prayed and read His Word, the Bible. Before, whenever I read, it's somewhat irrelevant or maybe I just don't have the heart to 'listen'. However, this time I could actually hear Him telling me something. Since I don't have a regular schedule, I just flipped to the Book of Psalms, one of my few favorites. Randomly, I read Psalms 54 to 56. Here are some things that I 'heard':

"Strangers are attacking me; ruthless men seek my life - men without regard for God. Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me." ~Psalms 54:3-4

"Cast your cares on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."
~Psalms 55:22

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?" ~Psalms 56:3-4

For those who are reading this (although I don't think a lot of people read my blog) and are not religious, may scoff at these passages. I totally understand. I'm not preaching (for I hate that myself). However, I just want to say, WOW, can I say encouragement or what?! So I guess from this day, no matter what happens - job/no job, friends/no friends, relationship/no relationship, God will take care of it all. Although I always trusted He would anyways, it's good to have reassurance!