Happiness

I started my church search.  Not only to 'make it count', but also the whole 'end of the world' thing from last year made me think.  I bought a home to build up my equity.  I put away a few hundred bucks a month to build up an RRSP for retirement. I bought life insurance to provide a financial back up plan if I die early.  I invest all this money (and even worry) for worldly security, what have I been investing in my spiritual future?  I claim to be a Christian, but do I truly feel confident that God will let me into His home after I leave this world?  Honestly, with my track record (or lack of). I worry I might get the boot, and being burned in eternal fire is not my idea of a forever retirement plan.

Anyways, I really want to go to a nearby church with Saturday service (at least one with this option), since I'm just too lazy to wake up early on Sundays (I'm human and have weaknesses and lack of commitment).  Therefore, this criterion really limits my choices.  Other than that, I want a good pastor.  The main purpose of going to Church is, of course, be closer to God, and part of it is the sermon.  If the speaker is bad, my heart is just not there.  Hence, besides looking at the worship times, I also explored the sermons that are posted on the churches' websites.

This one sermon was really good.  At the end, the pastor stated:

"Happy people don't chase after happiness.  They chase after God, and happiness finds them."

I love concluding statements like that because it makes you think (at least for me): Am I a truly happy person?  Do I chase after happiness or after God?  I look back at certain events in my life and I have to say, the times that I'm truly happy were when I had absolute faith in God and let Him lead the way.  The moments when I'm straying, I started searching for happiness on my own and nothing seems to really fill the meter.  How about now?  Am I doing this 'make it count' thing to search for happiness, or to search for God so that I will be happy?

I think it's a combination of both.  Life became a little stagnant and routine, and in a way depressing.  I want to be productive, but for what?  Pleasure? Fun? Success?  Even if I made more friends, earn more money, live in a bigger house, or buy more expensive things, I just don't think it will be enough.

The happiest period in my life was discovering the verse Psalms 16:2, and then moving up to Edmonton and started working at Sintra Engineering.  No friends and hardly any money.  Why?  Because He made me truly happy.  Sometimes I really need to have that as a reminder.

However, I'm not saying the things I have right now are not making me happy: friends, family, job, home, etc.   Just at the end of the day, I need to recognize, although I don't have a lot of these things (few close friends, 2 parents, Roshi, and hubby, job that makes an affordable living, a small little townhouse), it's all provided by God so that I'm really not in the pits, but comfortable and... happy.

P.S.  I will be attending tonight's evening service.