Today's Driving Woes

Today's weather: Above freezing, clear skies,
Road conditions: Wet, but clear

Ideally:
Posted speed limit on major roadways: 80km - 100km
Travelling time: 12-15 minutes

Reality:
Average driving speed: 17 km/hr
Travelling time: 36 minutes

Kill me.

Promises

This post is a little late.  In fact, it's about one week late.  I should have wrote it up, but then I got lazy (I know... make it count), and I had quite a few laborious work days and pretty much passed out at 8:30 every night.

Anyways, last Sunday I went to my first worship service since I can't remember when, and boy, was it a good message.  The subject was promises, and the purpose was to go along with the theme of new years resolution and such.  Like many resolutions, they are usually not kept.  Promises we make to ourselves and to each other are often broken.  Because of this, life can be sad and at lost.  Therefore, we can't depend on ourselves or others on promises, because we're weak and incompetent.  However, all the promises God made to us will be kept, and they are all a 'yes' through Jesus (2 Corinthians 1:20).  The concluding statement was

"When did Jesus become not enough?"

Oh wow!  Worldly promises of love, wealth, security, success, etc. often drive me: need to work on marriage to make it last, need to work harder at work to get that bigger bonus, need to put away more money for retirement.  Need need need.  All of these things I do alone and often lead to failure.  Failure leads to disappointment and worthlessness.  Broken promises.  Worldly promises.  I really enjoyed the message.  It was a slap in the face from the Boss, "Hey, remember Me?  Forget all that stuff, remember Me.  I am Your Promise that will always be.  Remember."

Today I went back for another service.  The message was not as personal, but good nonetheless.  I am looking forward to more of this.

Thieves

Tonight, B and I went to see Les Miserables at the theaters.  While we were lining up to get the tickets, I saw this:

Movie snack price board

Can we say WTF?  I am aware that movie snacks are way overpriced, and I am guilty of supporting this occasionally when I wanted that bag of popcorn with my movie.  However, between the last time I bought popcorn and now, when did prices become like this?  A combo of two soft drinks, two bags of popcorn, and a bag of candy to share costs almost the same as a relatively cheap dinner for two at a sit down restaurant (e.g. Swiss Chalet, pho, HK style cafe).  ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME?  This is utterly insane.  Despite my frugal efforts of packing two juice boxes to sneak into the theater, B wanted to get a bigger drink anyways.  While lining up for the drink, he then saw the prices and went 'Wow'.  No kidding.

Recently there's been this 'shark ban' vs. 'oppose shark ban' debate.  Yeah, saving the world and saving the sharks are good causes.  However, I just don't have much feelings for such a topic and feel like it's a waste of time (no offence to those out there who's involved with such debate) since 1. I don't have much passion for such topic, 2. I like eating shark fin, but could also live without it, and therefore, doesn't quite hit home for me.  This however does.  How about debating/banning this: robbing us hard working citizens by having us pay for junk food at insane prices so that Cineplex can make insane profit margins and pay the CEO to enjoy his martinis on his private jet and yacht?

Bitter.

Happiness

I started my church search.  Not only to 'make it count', but also the whole 'end of the world' thing from last year made me think.  I bought a home to build up my equity.  I put away a few hundred bucks a month to build up an RRSP for retirement. I bought life insurance to provide a financial back up plan if I die early.  I invest all this money (and even worry) for worldly security, what have I been investing in my spiritual future?  I claim to be a Christian, but do I truly feel confident that God will let me into His home after I leave this world?  Honestly, with my track record (or lack of). I worry I might get the boot, and being burned in eternal fire is not my idea of a forever retirement plan.

Anyways, I really want to go to a nearby church with Saturday service (at least one with this option), since I'm just too lazy to wake up early on Sundays (I'm human and have weaknesses and lack of commitment).  Therefore, this criterion really limits my choices.  Other than that, I want a good pastor.  The main purpose of going to Church is, of course, be closer to God, and part of it is the sermon.  If the speaker is bad, my heart is just not there.  Hence, besides looking at the worship times, I also explored the sermons that are posted on the churches' websites.

This one sermon was really good.  At the end, the pastor stated:

"Happy people don't chase after happiness.  They chase after God, and happiness finds them."

I love concluding statements like that because it makes you think (at least for me): Am I a truly happy person?  Do I chase after happiness or after God?  I look back at certain events in my life and I have to say, the times that I'm truly happy were when I had absolute faith in God and let Him lead the way.  The moments when I'm straying, I started searching for happiness on my own and nothing seems to really fill the meter.  How about now?  Am I doing this 'make it count' thing to search for happiness, or to search for God so that I will be happy?

I think it's a combination of both.  Life became a little stagnant and routine, and in a way depressing.  I want to be productive, but for what?  Pleasure? Fun? Success?  Even if I made more friends, earn more money, live in a bigger house, or buy more expensive things, I just don't think it will be enough.

The happiest period in my life was discovering the verse Psalms 16:2, and then moving up to Edmonton and started working at Sintra Engineering.  No friends and hardly any money.  Why?  Because He made me truly happy.  Sometimes I really need to have that as a reminder.

However, I'm not saying the things I have right now are not making me happy: friends, family, job, home, etc.   Just at the end of the day, I need to recognize, although I don't have a lot of these things (few close friends, 2 parents, Roshi, and hubby, job that makes an affordable living, a small little townhouse), it's all provided by God so that I'm really not in the pits, but comfortable and... happy.

P.S.  I will be attending tonight's evening service.

First Friday of 2013

It started out bad this morning.

So I went to work, and since Fridays are shorter day, I got off early.  Just when I was about to start my weekend, my alarm went off.  What?  Why did I set an alarm on a Saturday?  Wait... it's only Friday in reality.  That means I have to go to work... again.  

Although there were 2.5 days of work this week, this work week still seemed like forever.  However, I did accomplish a big "monster" at work - at least, everything I could do about it, and started other minor tasks.  I scheduled a short site review near the end of the day, so that I could just go home right after.

To make the open afternoon count, I

• picked up Roshi's 1.5 day of poop in the yard
• read the last chapter of my course material (course officially starts in a week or so)
• put all my 2012 health claims into envelopes and stamped
• filed away some paperwork, and 
• got ready for my bank meeting tomorrow.  

No time wasted in front of the tv.  Then B came home.

He said his hi's, checked out a few things on the Internet, and turns on Counterstrike.  Again.  I spazzed out.  And yes, at this moment as I'm writing this, I'm still mad at him.  We're not talking.

B is a gamer and watches Starcraft tournaments.  I know about this from the start.  I have no problems with him gaming or Starcraft-ing, even if it's a daily thing.  However, I think he took advantage of this.  Not only does he game daily, he games ALL the time.  So here is a general schedule of our week:

Monday - Friday
7:00 - 4:30 - Wakes up, go to work, be at work, etc..
4:30 - 5:30 - B gets home, but I really don't know what he is doing during this hour, and so I won't comment.  However, I have a clue, because...
5:30 - I get home, and he's on his computer gaming.
5:30 - 7:00 - I shower, make dinner, hang with Roshi, etc. alone.
7:00 - 7:30 - Eat dinner.
7:30 - B either do dishes or goes back upstairs to game.
7:30 - 12:00 - I watch tv, play boardgames, read, etc. alone; sometimes, I'll be upstairs on my computer with him in the same room physically.
12:00 - Bedtime.

Please note: he told me this before, he occasionally watches Starcraft tournaments at work.

Saturday/Sunday
9:00/10:00 - I wake up.
Morning - Eat breakfast, get things done, hang out with Roshi, waste it by watching tv, etc..
12:00 - 1:00 - Sometimes I'll make lunch, B wakes up.
1:00 - 2:00 - We eat lunch at home or outside.
2:00 - 4:00 - Get groceries, and sometimes shopping.  If it takes too long, or there's a good tournament on, B moans and groans.
4:00 - 4:15 - Put away groceries.
4:15 - 7:00 - B goes upstairs to game or watch tournaments, while I'm downstairs alone making dinner with the tv on.  He will occasionally come down and change my channel to sports and then head back upstairs to his computer.  WTF?
7:00 - 7:30 - Eat dinner.
7:30 - B might do dishes or he'll leave it until tomorrow.  If latter, goes back upstairs to game/Starcraft.
7:30 - Bedtime - I spend it alone with Roshi doing whatever.

Now, how can any wife not be mad when this is the daily routine?  I've nicely voiced my unhappiness about it.  I've complained about it.  Nothing.  It is until I'm fuming and yelling when he gets it.  So around October or so, he said he will game/Starcraft 4 times a week.  Fine.

Just before Christmas, promise broken; this daily routine started all over again.  I've been just whining and complaining saying, "You're going to play again?  You play everyday!"  All I get is 'Yep' and no signs of change.  Therefore, I blew up today, and fumed out of the room and down the stairs.  He left his computer and came down with me.  But what did he do?  Nothing.  He just laid on the couch.  Couldn't he say something like, "I'm sorry, I won't play as much?" or "Ok, I'll try to work on my promise and only play 4 days a week?" or even offer to help me organize the pantry (yes, I refuse to waste time and trying to make every second productive).

Whatever.

He is came into the room and just said "I don't care what you say, I'm playing."

I somewhat want to just take the car and drive to Calgary and stay with my parents for the weekend.  However, I can't.  I have way too many appointments scheduled for tomorrow.  Unfortunately, I have to depend on him to give me a ride.  @#$%.

First Day Back at Work

After the holidays, it's tough to go back to work for 8+ hours.  Although I lost concentration at certain times, I was still somewhat productive, and got all my minute tasks done and almost finish a bigger task.  Tomorrow is another day.

On a good note, my 'after work' life was pretty good:

• Made two dinner entrees from scratch: vegetarian stir fry medley and teriyaki chicken drumsticks.  
• Got everything cleaned up by 8 o'clock.
• Read and finished three chapters for my course.
• Took Roshi out for a brisk walk around a few blocks (B came out too since it was dark out).
• Watched some tv (I managed to fit that in).
• And now blogging this.

The only thing I failed at is hoping to be in bed by 10:30 to start my relaxation routine and pass out by 11:30.  I guess I will have to shorten my relaxation to 20 minutes instead.

Good night!

Welcome 2013.

Happy New Year!

I missed the coming of the new year last night.  I fell dead asleep on my living room floor before midnight - not because I passed out due to intoxication, but instead of reading about lien legislation and listening to Prometheus on tv.  Ok, I just read what I did last night and I sound like a boring homebody.  Instead of partying or joining in the celebrations, I was studying and sleeping.  Oh well, I'm no party-er anyways.

New Year Resolution: my last new year resolution was to not make anymore new year resolutions. I've been good at it too.  However, this year I will make one.  Maybe I shouldn't call it a resolution (so that I could keep my last resolution), but more like I need to do something to change my lifestyle,

"To make everyday count"

Looking back (not just 2012, but also the past years since I graduated from grad school and started working), what have I done or accomplish?  Yes, there were some life changing events: got laid off, moved out, live in another city alone, bought a home, raised a puppy, got married, new job, new car, etc., but how about the in betweens, the insignificant times?  How were those times spent?  One word can summarize it: wasted.

Everyday is the same old same old.  Go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch tv, bedtime, and repeat the next day.  I think it's the 'watch tv' that gets me.  It is seriously a waste of time.  However, can I not watch tv? Probably not, since I have a few shows that I watch religiously.  Even if I record them on the PVR, I still need the time to plant my butt down and watch them.

On the weekends and holidays, the day doesn't quite begin until 2 pm, but that's partially B's fault since he sleeps in past noon.  I sometimes can sleep until 11, but that depends on when I slept the night before.  Sleeping in is nice, especially I'm no morning person.  However, sleeping in all morning also gets to me.  I wake up miserable because half the day is gone!  

I think this whole 'waste of time' is getting to me as I'm getting older.  Now that I'm no longer in my 20s, I'm starting to feel the downhill side of life.  I'm not saying I need to use my 'tv time' or lazy mornings to go change the world, but how can I use those few hours to do something more productive - even if it's as simple as keeping the house clean! 

So to get this 'make it count' started, here's a list of things I want to get done, try, get better at, etc.:

• Finish my course; I signed up for a distance learning course for work and it ends in April/May.  This is priority and a good short term goal to accomplish.
• Facetime and visit parents more; after moving out, it became more apparent to me that they are getting old.  The thought of them being old, and them one day becoming dependent on me scares me, since I still feel like a dependent.  I don't know what I would do or become when they leave me.  Must cherish their presence as much as possible - even if it means driving to Calgary on a 'normal' weekend just to hang out with them. 
• Find a church and attend regularly; I have left the church for so long (another issue that I won't discuss here) and I miss it..  However, it is difficult for me to wake up before 9 on Sundays.  Perhaps instead of watching tv on Saturday nights, I can find an evening service somewhere.
• Finish my European scrapbooks; notice the plural? I still have some pages left to do for the first Europe trip.  Seriously, instead of planting my butt on the sofa and watch tv, I should work on that.
• Update my 'everyday' scrapbook; so many pictures, so little time.  Enough said.
• Be more neat and tidy (at home and at work); I should really put away my things and dust a bit more regularly.  Do a little bit of cleaning everyday (or once in a while), less to do later!  
• Exercise more regularly; I am lazy on the weekdays, no doubt, but I should at least go for a short walk with Roshi, unless it's -20C out (I don't think he wants to go out then neither).  And on my early Friday afternoon off, gym.  However, this might need to be put on hold due to the tendonitis in my leg right now.  Sigh.  It's making me quite miserable.  
• Wall climbing; love the sport.  B even said he will try it, despite the fact he's scared of heights.  Again, this will be on hold due to my tendonitis issue.  Sigh.
• Blog regularly; don't know who reads this, but it's good to write down some thoughts and document some life events to look back on.  
• Make a friend or two; been here fore 3.5 years and I can only say I have 1 friend in Edmonton.  How sad is that?!  Really need to go out more and meet new people.  I wish B wants this too, so I don't have to put too much effort into this.  

So this is my list for the time being.  I will continuing adding onto this list as things come up.  This list will be added onto the many lists listed on the side of this blog.