Promises

This post is a little late.  In fact, it's about one week late.  I should have wrote it up, but then I got lazy (I know... make it count), and I had quite a few laborious work days and pretty much passed out at 8:30 every night.

Anyways, last Sunday I went to my first worship service since I can't remember when, and boy, was it a good message.  The subject was promises, and the purpose was to go along with the theme of new years resolution and such.  Like many resolutions, they are usually not kept.  Promises we make to ourselves and to each other are often broken.  Because of this, life can be sad and at lost.  Therefore, we can't depend on ourselves or others on promises, because we're weak and incompetent.  However, all the promises God made to us will be kept, and they are all a 'yes' through Jesus (2 Corinthians 1:20).  The concluding statement was

"When did Jesus become not enough?"

Oh wow!  Worldly promises of love, wealth, security, success, etc. often drive me: need to work on marriage to make it last, need to work harder at work to get that bigger bonus, need to put away more money for retirement.  Need need need.  All of these things I do alone and often lead to failure.  Failure leads to disappointment and worthlessness.  Broken promises.  Worldly promises.  I really enjoyed the message.  It was a slap in the face from the Boss, "Hey, remember Me?  Forget all that stuff, remember Me.  I am Your Promise that will always be.  Remember."

Today I went back for another service.  The message was not as personal, but good nonetheless.  I am looking forward to more of this.

Happiness

I started my church search.  Not only to 'make it count', but also the whole 'end of the world' thing from last year made me think.  I bought a home to build up my equity.  I put away a few hundred bucks a month to build up an RRSP for retirement. I bought life insurance to provide a financial back up plan if I die early.  I invest all this money (and even worry) for worldly security, what have I been investing in my spiritual future?  I claim to be a Christian, but do I truly feel confident that God will let me into His home after I leave this world?  Honestly, with my track record (or lack of). I worry I might get the boot, and being burned in eternal fire is not my idea of a forever retirement plan.

Anyways, I really want to go to a nearby church with Saturday service (at least one with this option), since I'm just too lazy to wake up early on Sundays (I'm human and have weaknesses and lack of commitment).  Therefore, this criterion really limits my choices.  Other than that, I want a good pastor.  The main purpose of going to Church is, of course, be closer to God, and part of it is the sermon.  If the speaker is bad, my heart is just not there.  Hence, besides looking at the worship times, I also explored the sermons that are posted on the churches' websites.

This one sermon was really good.  At the end, the pastor stated:

"Happy people don't chase after happiness.  They chase after God, and happiness finds them."

I love concluding statements like that because it makes you think (at least for me): Am I a truly happy person?  Do I chase after happiness or after God?  I look back at certain events in my life and I have to say, the times that I'm truly happy were when I had absolute faith in God and let Him lead the way.  The moments when I'm straying, I started searching for happiness on my own and nothing seems to really fill the meter.  How about now?  Am I doing this 'make it count' thing to search for happiness, or to search for God so that I will be happy?

I think it's a combination of both.  Life became a little stagnant and routine, and in a way depressing.  I want to be productive, but for what?  Pleasure? Fun? Success?  Even if I made more friends, earn more money, live in a bigger house, or buy more expensive things, I just don't think it will be enough.

The happiest period in my life was discovering the verse Psalms 16:2, and then moving up to Edmonton and started working at Sintra Engineering.  No friends and hardly any money.  Why?  Because He made me truly happy.  Sometimes I really need to have that as a reminder.

However, I'm not saying the things I have right now are not making me happy: friends, family, job, home, etc.   Just at the end of the day, I need to recognize, although I don't have a lot of these things (few close friends, 2 parents, Roshi, and hubby, job that makes an affordable living, a small little townhouse), it's all provided by God so that I'm really not in the pits, but comfortable and... happy.

P.S.  I will be attending tonight's evening service.

Welcome 2013.

Happy New Year!

I missed the coming of the new year last night.  I fell dead asleep on my living room floor before midnight - not because I passed out due to intoxication, but instead of reading about lien legislation and listening to Prometheus on tv.  Ok, I just read what I did last night and I sound like a boring homebody.  Instead of partying or joining in the celebrations, I was studying and sleeping.  Oh well, I'm no party-er anyways.

New Year Resolution: my last new year resolution was to not make anymore new year resolutions. I've been good at it too.  However, this year I will make one.  Maybe I shouldn't call it a resolution (so that I could keep my last resolution), but more like I need to do something to change my lifestyle,

"To make everyday count"

Looking back (not just 2012, but also the past years since I graduated from grad school and started working), what have I done or accomplish?  Yes, there were some life changing events: got laid off, moved out, live in another city alone, bought a home, raised a puppy, got married, new job, new car, etc., but how about the in betweens, the insignificant times?  How were those times spent?  One word can summarize it: wasted.

Everyday is the same old same old.  Go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch tv, bedtime, and repeat the next day.  I think it's the 'watch tv' that gets me.  It is seriously a waste of time.  However, can I not watch tv? Probably not, since I have a few shows that I watch religiously.  Even if I record them on the PVR, I still need the time to plant my butt down and watch them.

On the weekends and holidays, the day doesn't quite begin until 2 pm, but that's partially B's fault since he sleeps in past noon.  I sometimes can sleep until 11, but that depends on when I slept the night before.  Sleeping in is nice, especially I'm no morning person.  However, sleeping in all morning also gets to me.  I wake up miserable because half the day is gone!  

I think this whole 'waste of time' is getting to me as I'm getting older.  Now that I'm no longer in my 20s, I'm starting to feel the downhill side of life.  I'm not saying I need to use my 'tv time' or lazy mornings to go change the world, but how can I use those few hours to do something more productive - even if it's as simple as keeping the house clean! 

So to get this 'make it count' started, here's a list of things I want to get done, try, get better at, etc.:

• Finish my course; I signed up for a distance learning course for work and it ends in April/May.  This is priority and a good short term goal to accomplish.
• Facetime and visit parents more; after moving out, it became more apparent to me that they are getting old.  The thought of them being old, and them one day becoming dependent on me scares me, since I still feel like a dependent.  I don't know what I would do or become when they leave me.  Must cherish their presence as much as possible - even if it means driving to Calgary on a 'normal' weekend just to hang out with them. 
• Find a church and attend regularly; I have left the church for so long (another issue that I won't discuss here) and I miss it..  However, it is difficult for me to wake up before 9 on Sundays.  Perhaps instead of watching tv on Saturday nights, I can find an evening service somewhere.
• Finish my European scrapbooks; notice the plural? I still have some pages left to do for the first Europe trip.  Seriously, instead of planting my butt on the sofa and watch tv, I should work on that.
• Update my 'everyday' scrapbook; so many pictures, so little time.  Enough said.
• Be more neat and tidy (at home and at work); I should really put away my things and dust a bit more regularly.  Do a little bit of cleaning everyday (or once in a while), less to do later!  
• Exercise more regularly; I am lazy on the weekdays, no doubt, but I should at least go for a short walk with Roshi, unless it's -20C out (I don't think he wants to go out then neither).  And on my early Friday afternoon off, gym.  However, this might need to be put on hold due to the tendonitis in my leg right now.  Sigh.  It's making me quite miserable.  
• Wall climbing; love the sport.  B even said he will try it, despite the fact he's scared of heights.  Again, this will be on hold due to my tendonitis issue.  Sigh.
• Blog regularly; don't know who reads this, but it's good to write down some thoughts and document some life events to look back on.  
• Make a friend or two; been here fore 3.5 years and I can only say I have 1 friend in Edmonton.  How sad is that?!  Really need to go out more and meet new people.  I wish B wants this too, so I don't have to put too much effort into this.  

So this is my list for the time being.  I will continuing adding onto this list as things come up.  This list will be added onto the many lists listed on the side of this blog.

Breathe

So I got confirmation at Square 104. I'm moving up there on Aug 9. Yes, that is in a few days and I just confirmation just yesterday. It's pretty crazy. But no matter how crazy it is, God is with me. He has everything planned out. Even though in human time things are going boom boom boom and quite stressful, things are still working out quite smoothly:

Aug 1 - Dropped parents and aunt off at bus stop for their bus tour trip to Yellowstone Park. Picked up my baby and headed up to Edmonton to take a look at my unit before submitting the application and deposit. Come back to Calgary.

Aug 2 - Picked up my MOH dress. Furniture and miscellaneous household item shopping. Passed out at 11 pm. So tired.

Aug 3 - Packed a bit. Did some moving research (i.e. electricity set up, Shaw, van rental, etc.). Got a great deal on some bar stools on Kijiji (thanks babe). 

Aug 4 - Got confirmation on apartment. Had lunch with friends (more like farewell lunch). Set up electricity for move in date. Pick up parents and aunt from their bus trip. Packed some more.

Aug 5 - Drove aunt to airport. Researched about Ikea bed. Bought some Ikea stuff. Set up Shaw installation appointment. Rented cargo van. Wedding rehearsal. Blog. :)

Aug 6 - Pack. Maybe take a breather and go for a swim.

Aug 7 - Pack. Change my current 403 number to a 780 number! Pick up rental van. Buy bed and mattress. Put the big stuff into the van. 

Aug 8 - Wedding.

Aug 9 - Move to Edmonton.

Aug 10 - Work starts!

See, everything is boom boom boom, but things still flow. I just have to thank God for His wonderfulness. Most of all, making me a decently organized person so that I got all these things done on time!

Apartment Searching

Yesterday, I went up to Edmonton to look for a new home to rent. It's easy to be excited to move and start life in a new (but deadly) city. However, when I was actually up there, things became more real. The difference between this time and my internship in Medicine Hat is that this time it's permanent. 

I went to look at two places. The first place was called The Residence. It's old but renovated. However, the apartment is so small, it's ridiculous. I almost wanted to lay on the bedroom floor to see if I can lay across on it and fit! No.

I was early for my second appointment for viewing #2. So I drove around my new work area to see what is around. Then I found Square 104. I saw this place online, and totally forgotten about it. So I went in and had a quick look. Since I was just walking in, the office manager was nice enough to use the office suite as an example. New and clean. I don't mind. However, only 2 bedrooms were available.

Last place, 7th Street Lofts. Absolutely beautiful. However, the lady seems reluctant and want to show it to another person.

At night I had to pray for forgiveness for forgetting God to be involved in this. Especially for so many times He is with me on all of this, and that He has something prepared for me. And here I am just heading up there looking at places without praying about them. Of course, I got forgiveness, and I read Psalms 127:

"Unless the Lord builds the house,

its builders labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city, 

the watchmen stand guard in vain." ~Psalms 127:1-2

At The Residence, I know I can go cheap and just rent it. However, I know I will be miserable and may even jump out the window! Such a depressing place. The loft is nice, but I will be looking at my finances closely because it's a little over then what I want. So again, I just have to trust God again that He will help me choose the right place. And voila...

This morning Square 104 called and said a 1 bedroom is available Aug 1. Another person was inquiring about it, but since I was there yesterday asking for one first, I got priority. WOW. Isn't that something or what? I forgot about this place, and I drove to it by accident. There were nothing available, and then overnight something comes up and I got priority. God is truly amazing. I am so unworthy of His 1st class treatment but He does it anyways. Love You, God.

Employed

I got my Sintra Engineering job! The offer was sent on Friday, and I signed it and returned it yesterday. I am so happy. I really have to praise the Lord. He truly listens to my prayers, despite the fact I'm so small and undeserving. Next step: apartment searching. Oh yeah, the job is in Dead-monton. AGAD. 

Interview

Today was my interview. I made sure I said a few prayers to ensure my best performance at the interview. I was glad it wasn't technical. However, I got the most out of the world question, and it even shocked me: "Describe your desk at home". Huh?! I think this was meant to see if I was an organized person? However, I just described it as a L-shaped desk with my iMac and printer, and above it are two wall shelves: one with my computer things and stationary, and the other with my scrapbooking supplies. I wonder what he made of it.

I can say I feel particularly good about this interview. I have had a total of seven interviews in my entire life:

1. The Gap
2. Alberta Transportation internship position
3. Defense Research Development Canada (DRDC) internship position
4. Fluor
5. Hilti
6. Alberta Transportation full time position
7. Sintra Engineering (today's interview)

The best interview I had was with DRDC. I didn't get the job I was interviewing for, but since the interview was so good, I got a job there under another supervisor. It was THAT good! Haha. The next best one is Fluor. I came out of it thinking I think I got the job! I was quite proud of some of the answers. Then the third best was today's. Maybe because the questions weren't very technical. I'm not too proud of my answers, but I was very honest and I felt that I was quite qualified for some of the questions he asked (i.e. Have you written any technical reports? - Yes, my thesis is one GINORMOUS technical report.)

Overall, I can't do or say much now. It's all in God's hands, and all I can do is trust. If He has planned this job for me, no matter how sucky I was, I would get the job. However, there is one thing I can improve my chances: write that thank you letter!

Psalms 91:14-16 and Psalms 16:2

Again, I like to do my devotions late at night (I really should start doing them a little earlier). Last night - or VERY early this morning (1 am), I was continuing my reading in Psalms. As I mentioned, earlier yesterday, I got my interview email and I was overly excited. I thanked God right away and I thanked Him again at night. Then He told me this:

""Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy hima nd show him my salvation."" ~ Psalms 91:14-16

Isn't He wonderful? I've been somewhat putting Him aside for a while. Although I love Him and say I trust Him, it wasn't until recently I really started to seek Him and call out to Him. After all I have done, God still loves me and still listens. A while back, I read another passage in Psalms that I now hold very close to me:

"I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." ~ Psalms 16:2

I still worry everyday about my career, my relationship, and my future. However, I always remember this, those things are nothing compare to my Father. He is the only good thing I have. With that in mind, everything seems like things that help time go by easier and quicker on Earth. And then, I feel much better.

Interview #3

Yesterday I got a call for an interview with Sintra Engineering. I am SO excited. Although the job is located in Edmonton (not my favorite city, and most likely will never be), the job description is A-W-E-S-O-M-E. When I got the emaill, I first had to exhaust my adrenaline that went through my body by jumping around, and then I had to thank the Lord. I've been praying hard for this and He listened and answered. AMEN.
Approximately 75% of my engineering experiences consist of research and the other 25% is industry (i.e. oil and gas). I love the research portion, but I don't love it enough to pursue another 3 years of school for a PhD. I was never a big fan of joining the oil and gas industry, and I tried it and didn't like it too much. So after I applied for the job posting at Sintra Engineering, I've been praying day and night for a call back, and it came yesterday.
The company focuses on forensic engineering. They find out what and why things went wrong. The position I applied for is for a structural forensic engineer. So from what I understand, I will be solving why a structure failed. This is way too awesome. I have always loved mysteries and trying to solve them. Understanding how things work (or fail) is one of the reasons I stayed in engineering.
The interview is at 10:30 tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Psalms 71:20

During these past weeks, I've been reading the Book of Psalms. I tend to have my moments with God late at night. It's the time where I am very alone and nothing can bother me. The other day, I read the following: 

"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up." ~ Psalms 71:20

Less than a month ago, I finally broke down and had to complain why my life is always so complicated. This year is my all time low. Everyone keeps saying, things will get better. Human words. What do they know? No one on this Earth can predict the future. Things were going great for the last four years and now the recession that took a lot of people's retirement fund. Who would have knew? I am thankful for the Lord for telling me that things will get better. It is blah right now, but He will restore my life again, and bring me up again. 

As human, it's hard to fully trust, especially when things are just not going my way or there are no signs of improvement. Almost everyday reading Psalms, the Lord says TRUST. This is definitely the hardest lesson ever. 

A Bit Happier These Days

It's been tough the last few months. Everything seems to be BAD BAD BAD. Some nights, I would just start crying for no reason. However, this past week I've been coping well. Although nothing much has changed: still unemployed, boyfriend's parents still hate me, and still feeling hopeless about everything. I think everytime I start to feel down, I just remember the Psalms I've been reading: Trust in the Lord. Even when anger rises, I calm down easily and quickly concentrate on something else. I am still tired but life is a rollercoaster. There are ups and downs. I will just continue coping and just simply trust.

Encouragement from The Man above!

I'm a Christian. I can't say I'm intensely religious or spiritual, but my Faith is quite important to me. It doesn't matter what I do, I can't give it up entirely.
I always trusted that the Lord is around me. He may not show Himself in obvious ways, but I know He's "around". I know that throughout my Struggles, He was the one I trusted who will pulled me through it.
During these hard times, I surrendered and finally prayed and read His Word, the Bible. Before, whenever I read, it's somewhat irrelevant or maybe I just don't have the heart to 'listen'. However, this time I could actually hear Him telling me something. Since I don't have a regular schedule, I just flipped to the Book of Psalms, one of my few favorites. Randomly, I read Psalms 54 to 56. Here are some things that I 'heard':

"Strangers are attacking me; ruthless men seek my life - men without regard for God. Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me." ~Psalms 54:3-4

"Cast your cares on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."
~Psalms 55:22

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?" ~Psalms 56:3-4

For those who are reading this (although I don't think a lot of people read my blog) and are not religious, may scoff at these passages. I totally understand. I'm not preaching (for I hate that myself). However, I just want to say, WOW, can I say encouragement or what?! So I guess from this day, no matter what happens - job/no job, friends/no friends, relationship/no relationship, God will take care of it all. Although I always trusted He would anyways, it's good to have reassurance!